Anomaly

Anomaly

A strange stagnation follows me everywhere,

Sniffing my fear and hiding in my shadow

I was constantly hiding under the bed,

Pressing myself to cold mosaic and cobwebs

All devoid of light, as the void hugged me back

Becoming one with the silent night kept the shadow away

Without my fear, it died at my feet, and in hunger I fed on it

Corpse that tasted of despair and suffering

I burned the words that I worshipped for warmth

They had screams of sentences that were never written

And in that light, I saw my skeleton, pristine and alone

I held it like my mother used to hold me, like the void used to

Hoping it would feel some contentment

Those bones were old, from when I was sixteen

My actual first death, how many died the same, I wonder

Now they, too, are haunted by the last they could not save

I hope they are not alone in the end, before death holds

Someone else holds them dearly, and they feel comfort in it

In the words “I’m here, it’s okay”, before being buried

Their second death is much more meaningful

I wish mine had the maggots eating into memories

The ones that don’t make them sick, the ones with you in it

My brain decomposes into your thoughts at the last moment

I hope I am not abandoned like an umbrella after the rain

Just a glance would suffice, without resentment

A fraction of the passion I carry in mine, as for a stray dog

And as the soil takes my wish for us, the mask shattered

All flaws accepted by the roots of Simbelmynë around me

In my first death, I chose not to love; I’m a hypocrite

I prayed for a god that would make me worthy of your hand

Devotion leads to death foretold, to resentment

In the end, I only wished for nothing but your presence

Your eyes are the last fleeting moment I live in.

– Vishnudev, Bengaluru, Karnataka, India

The Writers’ Association of Kristu Jayanti (Deemed to be University) — where the pen is not just an instrument, but a torch that lights tomorrow.